Viva Le Tourist

I am having this desire to wear a camera around my neck at all times to look like a perpetual tourist. Why? People have no expectations from a tourist. We treat a tourist differently. I wanna play with every shade of that difference between lost tourist and super local. Yea, the tourist gets charged more, the locals scoff at his slowness, pushing around him. Yet there's a special sort of respect for the tourist. Maybe its because we are awed by the tourist, who by chance or crook or exposition of will gained the means and courage to travel. We allow the tourist to be odd. And we judge their failures less harshly and their successes more grandly. Perhaps taking on the accoutrements and freedoms of a tourist while in our town can teach us a little about ourselves.

The Man With the Master Plan

Most people are way too suspicious of the nefarious motivations of others. We should be so lucky to meet someone with a plan, even an evil plan. Most people are blah and their ambitions are blah. The danger is not being caught up in an evil scheme but to be caught up in nothing but boringness.

Control

If we spent less effort trying to control the things we can't control, we would have more energy to control the things we can. It's difficult to stand in front of a person, a canvas, on a stage, and have no expectation, to let creation flow freely. But it's worth it. It's very hard to let someone be exactly who they are but magic is not possible unless we do. Unless of course, it is for Tiramisu :) Never sacrifice personal truth for a short term gain - which is really no gain at all. Self-expression becomes a world and a goal all its own. How could the demands of the flesh equal the whisperings of the soul? In my experience, if you express yourself properly you don't need to force or coerce other people to do anything. Choice is a lot sexier than force. You don't want titles or papers or babies to hold on to someone. It's much nicer when people CHOOSE every day to continue to be together. Only when you are okay with your own company do you have anything to offer in the company of others. A person should be man enough, or woman enough, to be able to confront their existential aloneness. People often imagine this feeling as compared to floating in space. In that moment we have passed through the halls of desire and are free of bounds. We no longer need. We are complete. An island.

The most ecstatic feeling is the exact moment when we no longer need that which satisfies our lust. People waste time thinking about what they want but not taking action. Rarely does waiting make success more likely. Accepting other people's limitations can help you blow past yours.

The process of falling in Love

This morning I've been thinking about love. Or I should say, the process of falling in love. Imagination is a neccesary component of falling in love. We look at someone and imagine what we could accomplish together, the adventures. Not saying I'm 'in love' right now. It's just on my mind. There's no 'safe' way to fall in love. To fall in love you must be like a child. Full of imagination and naive. And vulnerable. To fall in love is to put yourself in a creative, open, vulnerable space where everything feels possible. And that's what makes those times in our lives so exciting and addicting. We should be more like children who love easily and mightily. Children run headlong into rejection. While adults construct their lives to avoid the possibility of it. Adults are not stronger than children. They just have more resources.

Future Vu

It's a feeling that you're going to do something again in the future.

You see I am a bit of a hoarder. I still have books from high school, college, perfect attendance certificates, you get the idea, sh!t i'll never use. This weekend I am planning on going through that and bins of electronics, throwing away obsolete power cords, palm pilots when they first came out, walkman players, crt monitors and anything with a Microsoft label. I am going to throw away all those floppy disks too. I remember going nuts when they were on sale at best buy.

And then "future vu" hits me. One day I am gonna throw away my iPhone too.

The Magic in Names

There's a lot of magic in names. Think about the gestures and shapes our mouths go through to articulate a name. Have you ever said your name slowly and really paid attention to the distortions your lips, jaw and tongue move through? Try describing your name in physical form. Ex. 'Tongue begins behind front teeth > tongue moves back a space > lips come almost together.. It would be interesting to design a name in physical form first, trying to make it's movement beautiful and artistic. Like an oral ballet. Then finding out what sounds match. I'm sure humans first names came out this way. They must have been names that brought out strong emotion.

The Luckiest People

The luckiest people are the ones who look plain, neither beautiful nor ugly. For we may see in them the truth. In a sense, a beautiful person can only disapoint. Sucks to be beautiful. But these fake, ascribed qualities can trap someone. Our imagination of the beatiful person can be much removed from their truth. When someone is 'good-looking' we ascribe to them other positive qualities they may not really possess. Unfair, I know.

Love

Love is similar to knife play. Everyday you laugh and play and try to stab each other in the Fucking heart.

The shadow

Residual thoughts from that twilight space between sleeping and wakefulness are coming back to me. A semi-deep random thought: A person's shadow is not them but anyone without one is not standing in the light. As that thought leaves, its replaced by another : I hope you one day experience the wonder and terror of living in your own shadow.

Olde Town

Walking around Olde Town you can see the layers. Every thing feels as if it has had a purpose. I've been to 'new' cities like Dubai and Shanghai. They have limited appeal to me. I have come to realize I prefer organic cities. My favorite still has been Buenos Aires. Out my bedroom window: O’Briens. The clock. The train. The chimneys. Second City Theater. The Snow. The old church. What is a city but the collective force of it's inhabitants' personalities? I once heard a wonderful thought:"People want the city to change them. But its the other way around. Each person moving here changes Chicago." I'd love to take you on a stroll around my neighborhood. It's got one of the friendliest vibes in Chicago. So many small details to appreciate. There’s a Moody Church nearby. I like to imagine the memories that were created there: weddings and funerals and prayers of longing. I guess people are like that too. Our characters are built layer upon layer over time. There are layers of use and disuse that have acumulated over time to give the city it's character.

As I transfer this to my google blog, my particular predicament is should I walk across the street to go to Treasure Island, buy some pita bread and eat my hummus like a civilized person or I just dip my finger in. hehehe, Guess which I chose. Sometimes you just have to act uncouth in order to give the finer points in life contrast.

I need some paintings at my place. I have commissioned a painter, but open to suggestions. She has lots of great ideas from painting a musical song I like to something that is inspiring. I was thinking of having photographs of my friends in black and white and put them on my walls. Could be cool. Just need a unifying theme.

Once I get in shape, I’ll throw a naked party. Yes, I’d like my friends naked in my living room.

It's hard figuring out T's daily rhythms. Her seems ever changing. I think once you understand someone's daily rhythm you know when they need attention and it all sort of works out without much thought. Think we all struggle with finding the right amount of together-time early in our friendships. It takes awhile to know someone's daily rhythm.

This has been on my mind lately as I imagine decorating my new place. Matching colors and textures and tone is a pain in the behind but worth it. I wonder if I should have a million candles around my apartment but no matches or lighter. It will feel like an alanis morissette song. Ok, scratch that idea.

One great thing about living in an area with a lot of dog owners is that you don't need one. Hehe, I think playing with other people's dogs is like playing with other people's kids, You get to rile them up but don't have to deal with the shit.

Could prehistoric man eat a handful of Barbecue Baked Lays Chips and checked the temp outside on his iPhone? But why I am jealous of him. I just like the idea of grabbing the girl and taking a big club and smashing all the males around her.

It's a bit romantic :)

Living here, in this wonderful apartment, across from a serene view. All I need are some gauzy drapes, and then it will feel a bit like living in a Harry Potter novel. I can imagine waking up at 6AM and being facinated by the beauty of the lights down wells street as they shimmer through the gauzy drapes I've hung over my windows. Yea Buddy!

Now that I've cleaned my place today, I think I'll dance around to Lady Gaga. The hipsters passing below my window or looking at me from the other buildings will surely think I'm uncool. Ok, scratch that idea too.

It's gonna be tough trying to hold on to my virginity in this town, geeez.

What sounds do you like ?

When I was a kid I used to love the far-distant horn and rumble of trains. Its kinda neat seeing the CTA train from my condo in Old Town these days. Another sound I enjoy is the funny way your voice sounds if you talk directly into a fan.

What is the Sexiest Human Quality?

My personal opinion is not confidence but rather courage. Slight difference. Pushing past obstacles and engaging someone on a human level takes courage. Therefore we are sexiest when we are working against resistence and toward a more humane relationship with people.

A painting

Imagine you walk into a gallery and stand in front of the most amazing painting. It's color, tone and message speaks deeply to you.

It feels as if this painting was created just for you. It wasn't, of course. That would be impossible. But it feels that way. From that moment on all the other paintings will look dim and pointless. You don't take enjoyment out of them. As time goes by you may 'forget' this painting. You may grow to appreciate other works. But there will be this memory that lingers. Occasionally you may see photographs of your painting or other reproductions. This will make your heart beat faster. But it will never be the same as standing in front of the glory of that painting. You try to buy this painting but alas, it's not for sale. The only thing to do at that point is to buy some brushes and take up painting yourself.