People are People When They Are ...

People. They’re a lot of work. Even if you are a social, kung fu master, people are a pain. Most people these days have an unrealistic feeling of entitlement. I blame TV for that and shows like Sex in The City. Thats a main reason I like travelling to places where people don't act so entitled. One day when robots rule the world everyone will be sorry. Until then we’re going to have to deal with them. The people that is. Most robots I know are still quite friendly.

I met a girl once on a transatlantic flight. From the way she was leaning over and touching my leg I got the impression she was hot for my peanuts. But I decided it was too much work. You got to get the blankets over you, get your pants down, watch out for the flight attendant. Hassle = much. Pleasure = zero. You do that sort of thing for the story. For the fame among your buddies. But it seemed like too much work to me. I’m too lazy for that sort of skulldudgery. I’d rather have my sex in a bed with room service and puffy pillows made from the feathers of endangered birds.

So, back to this girl for a sec. I got an email from her out of the blue after I had been blabbering about this in a comment she happened to read. She wrote to tell me I was an idiot, “I enjoyed meeting you but wasn’t trying to have sex with you on a plane. I’m not that easy.”My bad. I wrote back a lengthy apology. She then sent me some naked pictures of herself. Honest to god, that’s how it rolled.

Now let’s get back to people. So you want to be a people person, huh? That’s cool. Just so you know, no matter how good your kung fu, it will always be a hassle dealing with upset airplane girls.First rule: Don’t try to be a dictator. Ever watch the movie Star Wars? Darth Vadar is a dictator. He wants to control the galaxy. But the tighter he squeezes star systems in his grasp the faster they slip through his fingers. You can’t guarantee that people will act a certain way and you certainly can’t push them to give you the response you want. That’s why almost every book that’s been written about being good with people is, in my opinion, stupid. These books are marketed at teaching you how to get the response that you want from people. In other words, they are encouraging you to be a dictator. This is in spite of the fact that totalarism has been proven to be a failed system of government. Geez, it’s like these people got an A in marketing but skipped out on 20th Century History.

No, I like the BraveHeart model. FREEDOM! Any method for being good with people should encourage the people you interact with to feel a high degree of personal freedom. FREEDOM! That is known as being cool. And also, in the end it IS like Star Wars. You control the Force but the Force controls you. You have to believe in the end that it will turn out alright if you trust other people to be themselves.One reason that freedom is so important is that people are more committed to that which they give freely than that which is taken from them. Sounds like a famous quote huh? Well it is. I wrote it one morning here at my kitchen table, in my underwear, while trying to pick cereal residue out from between my teeth with my tongue. Just thought I’d give you the complete picture.

Anyhow…picture this example

Tommy: “Hi there.”
Miss, January 2009: “Hi. What’s up?”
Tommy: “Nothing. Are you having fun?”
MJ09: “Sure.”Tommy: “Yeah. It’s a nice day isn’t?”

Ack! What’s up with all the leading questions? I may as well just walk up to her and say, “Who’s your dictator baby? That’s right. I am. Me. I’m the boss of you. You love me long time honey. Now go make me some pancakes.” This is a strategy that often does not appeal to strangers you just met.How am trying to be the dictator here? Wait, don’t answer that question. A better question is, why am I being the dictator here? Think about that a sec. Okay, times up. I’m being a dictator because I want a specific outcome for the conversation. I want a specific response in each moment. I’m in a hurry to get something ‘positive’ and I end up being a total insecure person in order to try to get it. This looks and feels bad to people. They do feel it. It’s a disturbance in the force.Instead you should trust in the other person. Trust that if you can create a fun interaction, your conversational partner will chose to commit.

Preesh!